


The Grand Plan

by JaceDexter



Series: Clothing Wars [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bilbo Remains In Erebor, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Clothing wars, Consort Bilbo Baggins, Crack, Humor, Humour, M/M, Post BoFA, Post BotFA, The Grand plan, The elves are in on it, Thorin Is an Idiot, Trade Agreements, payback is a bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:35:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5696974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaceDexter/pseuds/JaceDexter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The elves arrive in the mountain for the trade agreement renewal but no one (apart from bilbo) could've guessed their attire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Grand Plan

**Author's Note:**

> This shall be the very last in this series as I can't think of anything more to add. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.

Bilbo fought hard to contain his amusement as he watched Thorin fume about Men wearing 'Dwarven Clothes' and how unfitting it was and about how there are things that are Dwarven and things which were Men. Bilbo couldn't wait until the Elven party, headed by Legolas AND Thranduil arrived tomorrow morning for a trade agreement renewal.

Normally, Legolas would just arrive with guards but Bilbo had been in planning for weeks after the incident with the hobbit clothes. Some Dwarves were still bloody wearing three-quarter pants and suspenders!

If Thorin had thought Men wearing dwarven garb was bad, wait until he saw the elves.

It had started with Legolas. The Prince had arrived not two days after the hobbit clothing epidemic and was rightfully baffled by it and quickly sort the hobbit out. His first question was whether or not there was a sickness spreading to which Bilbo had huffed something about the sickness of being an idiot. He quickly explained the situation and was entirely unamused when the elf almost collapsed in laughter, tears running down his face.

Once Legolas had recovered, Bilbo went on to explain his revenge plan to which the Prince readily agreed to.

Once the Prince had returned to Greenwood (now the forest was clear of sickness) he received a letter by raven, explaining how Thranduil had also agreed on the plan, always eager to not-so-subtly irritate the King Under the Mountain.

Every couple of days, Bilbo would receive letters detailing the progress they had made. After reading through with violent laughter he would burn any evidence of said letters.

And honestly it was quite convenient when Bard brought up how a lot of the Men were struggling with the cold. Dwalin was standing guard when Bilbo suggested maybe adopting the dwarven way of dressing, earning a laugh. Bard had looked between them confused at the amusement, as freezing was hardly a laughing matter, before Bilbo explained. But neither Bard nor Dwalin knew what Bilbo had planned with the elves.

Thorin stopped ranting and pacing when he had noticed Bilbo wasn't paying attention and promptly huffed and left, probably to complain to Dis who would probably laugh at him too.

Yes, Bilbo thought to himself. Tomorrow was going to provide much amusement to himself, and probably Bard too given he was also going to be a part of the agreements.

~~~

The next morning came and Bilbo was practically vibrating excitement. Thorin had left earlier in the morning to get some more paperwork down before 'those wretched tree-shaggers' arrived.

Busying himself, Bilbo got dressed and had breakfast before he was called to be present at the meeting of Kings. Word of the elves arrival had come but nothing had been said about their appearance.

He entered the hall with what he hoped was a straight face but given the amused look he was given by Dis, he might've failed. Quietly he stood beside his husband as a messenger arrived to announce the arrival of King Bard.

Bard entered calmly and bowed slightly before Thorin before moving to the side a bit. He looked towards Bilbo, laughter in his eyes. _Clearly he had seen the elves then._ Bilbo nodded with a barely concealed grin going unnoticed by Thorin who was holding back his disapproval at Bard's choice of Dwarven garb. Dis discreetly elbowed him, and his face went blank.

Another messenger arrived to announced the arrival of King Thranduil and his son Prince Legolas, and if the messenger's face was a bit red, it must have been from the cold.

Soon the grand doors opened once more and King Thranduil and Prince Legolas walked though. The entire place went completely silent. A pin could've been heard if it was been dropped but everyone (except Bard, Bilbo and the elves) stood in absolute shock. Bard starting biting his lip in amusement and Bilbo was turning red from holding in his laughter.

There standing in the room were Thranduil and Legolas standing stoically, dressed head-to-toe in complete dwarven garb, from the heavy furs to the boots and-

Bilbo couldn't take it, he burst out laughing with tears running down his eyes.

They were wearing fully braided hair and fake beards!

Thorin turned sharply towards Bilbo has he broke down in laughter, clutching his stomach.

Bilbo couldn't see through the tears of laughter but heard Bard start chuckling followed by Dwalin belting out heaves of laughter. Soon enough the elves were joining in, except Thranduil who remained straight-faced. Then the entire hall except Thorin and Thranduil was roaring in laughter, including Dis even if it wasn't as loud as the others.

Thorin was turning red in embarrassment and anger. His expression was thunderous.

Bilbo took one look at Thorin and collapsed the ground, his legs giving away as his body was racked with painful laughter.

"ENOUGH!" Thorin roared and the hall quietened, although not immediately.

"What is the name of this?!" Thorin spat angrily at Thranduil.

Thranduil looked calmly back at Thorin. "I thought I'd spread some good will. Consort Baggins assured me that, I quote, 'The best way to make amends with the Dwarves is to adopt some of their customs'."

Bilbo, who'd recovered albeit not entirely from his laughter and had stood back up, looked towards Thorin with a distinctive smug look and an innocently raised eyebrow.

The tension was then broken when Dwalin spoke up.

"Oh that is just brilliant!"

And the entire hall started laughing once more as Thorin silently fumed.


End file.
